Au trecut 2 ani

Azi se implinesc 2 ani de la moartea tatalui meu. Tin minte ultima saptamana din viata lui de parca s-ar fi intamplat toate ieri. Tin minte convorbirea la telefon prin care am aflat ca ar putea avea o boala grava. Tin minte intrarea la el in salon si harta lumii din dreptul patului. Tin minte drumul in fuga spre reanimare, prin subsolul spitalului, si ochii lui de atunci. Tin minte discursul prin care si-a luat la revedere. Tin minte ca ne-a spus ca numai cine e uitat e mort cu adevarat. Si poate de-aia ma agat de aceste ultime amintiri si mi le reimprospatez in fiecare zi, incercand sa salvez fiecare detaliu, asa cum nu am facut din pacate cu alte amintiri cu tatal meu din copilarie sau din adolescenta, cand habar n-aveam ce multa nevoie voi avea de ele acum, si cand stateam linistita cu gandul ca daca uit ce cantec imi canta cand eram bebelus sau uit povestile lui de la pescuit sau povestile din tinerete, cand a intalnit-o pe mama, voi putea oricand sa pun mana pe telefon si sa-l sun pentru lamuriri. Tare mult as vrea sa il mai pot suna. Mai am inca atat de multe de lamurit.

EN: 2 years ago today my father died. I remember his last week of life like it was yesterday. I remember the phone call when I found out that he might have a serious illness. I remember entering his hospital room and the world map by his bed. I remember running towards the ICU, through the hospital basement, and the look in his eyes in that moment. I remember his good bye speech. I remember he told us only who is forgotten is gone for good. And maybe that’s why I hang on to these last memories and I refresh them every day, trying to save each detail, like I haven’t done with other memories with my dad from my childhood or adolescence, when I had no idea how much I would need them now, and when I was certain that if I forget what lullaby he used to sing to me or his fishing or youth stories, when he met my mother, I could always pick up the phone and ask for clarifications. How I wish I could call him. I still have so much to figure out.

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