Cu mare dor

Cu mare dor

Va scriu acum dintr-un camping din Bulgaria, cu Vlad langa mine, care isi cara primejdios olita din rulota – afara si tot asa, realizand cat de mare a crescut baiatul meu. Fiind in mijlocul Saptamanii Mondiale a Alaptarii, nu o sa va ma mai vorbesc despre avantajele alaptarii si despre ce sa faci daca iti doresti sa alaptezi, caci e plin netul de sfaturi. Acum, la mai bine de un an de cand nu il mai alaptez pe Vlad, vorbesc despre acest moment doar al meu si al lui cu mare mare mare DOR.

EN: Right now I am writing from a camping in Bulgaria, with Vlad nearby, dangerously carrying his potty out of the trailer- and back again, realizing how much my boy has grown. Since it’s World Breastfeeding Week, I am not going to speak about the advantages of breastfeeding and about what you have to do if you want to breastfeed, because the internet is full of advice. Now, after more than a year since I don’t breastfeed Vlad anymore, I am talking about this moment which was just mine and his, missing it a lot.

Experienta alaptarii e foarte personala, fiecare mama o traieste in felul ei. Cunosc multe mamici carora le-a fost atat de greu, incat isi aduc aminte de acest moment cu o expresie a durerii pe fata si cu multe oftaturi. Iar altele, ca mine, atunci cand vad acum o mama cu un bebe la san se emotioneaza si li se face dor.

Tin minte perfect cand mi l-au adus pentru prima masa la san. Nu imi venea sa cred ca se intampla atat de repede dupa nastere, mi s-a parut ca efectiv cum am ajuns in salon, cum mi l-au adus. Cu miscari foarte precise, asitenta mi l-a pus pe Vlad la san si el a inceput cu disperare sa traga de el in speranta ca va gasi ceva hrana si pe lumea asta, pe care tocmai ajunsese. Eu eram uimita. Daca ma uit acum peste pozele pe care mi le-a facut Radu de la acea prima masa, ma mir de cat de mirata puteam sa fiu! Aveam ochii mari si sprancenele nefiresc de ridicate, caci nu imi venea sa cred ca mie mi se intampla asta. “Gata, e clara treaba, esti al meu si eu te voi hrani, te voi ingriji, ca tu sa cresti mare, sa fii sanatos si fericit” – asta imi ziceam in gand, in timp ce il priveam inghitiand cei 3 stropi de colostru. Avea deja cautarea aia ca de caine care scutura din cap o jucarie, doar ca de data asta jucaria era sanul meu. Si-a pastrat miscarea de cap pentru cateva luni mai apoi.

Sar peste etapa noptilor nedormite si a ranilor de la san, caci durerile le uiti in timp. La fel ca si pe cele ale nasterii. Asa ca imi mai aduc aminte acum de calatoria la Praga cu Vlad, cand il avea 7 – 8 saptamani si l-am alaptat in locul in care Radu m-a cerut pe mine, locul in care am zis DA, si “de unde a inceput totul, Perfectule, intelegi?” “Gal – gal, gal – gal…” raspunse el inghitind cu pofta.

Imi aduc aminte si de calatoria la Instanbul, cand il alaptam pe Vlad de 6 luni pe un vapor, pe care erau si femei care purtau hijab-ul sau burka, iar eu ma acopeream doar cu cate o esarfa, gandidu-ma daca nu e oricum si asa prea mult pentru cultura lor. Pana cand s-au oprit cu drag langa mine sa il priveasca cum suge si m-am linisitit.

Apoi nu o sa uit niciodata intalnirea de 10 ani de la terminarea liceului, cand am venit fara Vlad in sala de festivitati, ca dupa vreo 2 ore Radu sa isi faca aparitia cu el urland de foame. Fix in aceeasi perioada si fosta mea diriginta avea al doilea copil de san, asa ca ne-am retras amandoua in fosta noastra clasa si eu am alaptat in aceeasi banca in care invatasem in urma cu 10 ani. Foarte ciudat, dar si frumos in acelasi timp.

Urmeaza momentul in care Vlad avea deja 1 an, iar laptele meu era pe terminate, asa ca tragea nervos din sanul stang, se muta singur dupa 2 minute la cel drept si apoi, ca din senin, s-a apucat sa suga din buric! “Pe undeva tot trebuie sa mai curga si laptele asta!” se gandea micutul, iar eu nu stiam cum sa il mai opresc, razand in hohote, sa imi lase buricul in pace: “Crede-ma, Vlad, de acolo sigur nu iese laptic!”

Si qpoi la 1 an si 3 luni momentul in care mi-am dat seama ca se incheie acest capitol al alaptarii. Cred ca a fost exact ceea ce se numeste intarcare naturala: el nu a mai vrut, eu nu am mai avut, si nu am mai insistat. Dar am plans. Am plans ca si atunci cand i-a iesit primul dinte (stiu, ciudat, dar eu am plans atunci cu muci), cand a rostiti prima oara mama, cand l-am botezat sau cand a mers pentru prima data. Caci toate erau semne ca Vlad creste, ca trece intr-o alta etapa: “E clar, ai luat-o in directia asta. Deci, cresti! In curand vei vrea sa te muti!”…probabil ca asta era gandul inconstient.

Asa ca daca alaptati sau va doriti sa alaptati intr-o zi, sa va bucurati cat mai mult de fiecare masa, caci la un moment dat va va fi la fel de dor ca si mie acum, cand o vad pe Adela cu Alexandru la piept.

Postarea este parte din campania educationala Nestle Incepe Sanatos, Creste Sanatos si marcheaza Saptamana Mondiala a Alaptarii.

EN: The experience of breastfeeding is very personal, each mother lives it in her own way. I know many moms who found it so hard, that they remember this moment with an expression of pain on their face and with many sighs. And others, like myself, when they see a mother breastfeeding, get emotional and miss it very much.

I remember perfectly when they brought him for his first breastfeeding. I couldn’t believe it was happening so early after birth, I felt like the moment I got to the hospital room, they immediately brought him to me. With very precise movements, the nurse placed Vlad at my breast and he started desperately sucking, hoping he would find some food on this world, that he just got to. I was stunned. Looking at pictures Radu took during that first meal, I am amazed at how amazed I could be! I had big eyes and my eyebrows were raised in an unnatural manner, because I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. “OK, it’s clear, you’re mine and I am going to feed you, care for you, so you can grow, be healthy and happy”- that’s what I was saying to myself, while I watched him drinking 3 sips of colostrum. He already had that look of a dog shaking his head with a toy in his mouth, only this time the toy was my breast. He kept that head move for some months after that.

I am skipping the stage of unslept nights and breast wounds, because you forget about the pain in time. Just as you do with the birth pains. So I still remember the trip to Prague, with Vlad, when he was 7-8 weeks old and breastfeeding him in the spot where Radu proposed, the place where I said YES, and “where it all began, Perfect One, do you understand?” “Slurp-slurp, slurp-slurp…” he answered while swallowing fast.  

I remember the trip to Istanbul, when I was breastfeeding 6 months old Vlad on a ship, where there were also women wearing hijab or burka, and I was only covering myself with a scarf, thinking that it might be too much for their culture. Until they lovingly stopped next to me to watch him and I was at ease.

Then I will never forget the 10 year high school reunion, when I went without Vlad into the festivities room, but after 2 hours Radu showed up with him screaming for food. Exactly at the same my former teacher was breastfeeding her second child, so we both went to our old classroom and I breastfed him in the same chair where I sat 10 years ago. Very strange, but beautiful at the same time.  

Then there was the moment when Vlad was already 1 year old, and my milk was running out, so he would eagerly suck from the left breast, then he would switch to the right one after 2 minutes and then, out of nowhere, he started sucking from my belly button! “This milk has to come out somewhere!” the little one was thinking, and I didn’t know how to stop him, laughing really hard, so that he leaves my belly button alone: “Trust me, Vlad, milk surely doesn’t come out of there!”

And then, at 1 year and 3 months, the moment I realized this chapter of breastfeeding was ending. I think it was exactly what they call natural weaning: he didn’t want anymore, I didn’t have any left, and I didn’t insist. But I cried. I cried like when his first tooth came out (I know, weird, but I cried really bad then), when he said Mama for the first time, when we baptized him or when he walked for the first time. Because these were all signs that Vlad is growing up, that he goes from one stage into the other: “It’s clear, you’ve gone that way. So, you’re growing! Soon you’ll want to move out!”…probably that was my thought.   

So, if you are breastfeeding or want to breastfeed some day, enjoy each meal as much as you can, because one day you’ll miss it, like I do now, when I see Adela breastfeeding Alexandru.

This post is part of the educational campaign Nestle Start Health, Grow Healthy and marks the World Breastfeeding Week.